Who was I kidding, getting in and out of any Walmart in less than 10 minutes would be some sort of Christmas miracle, let alone this Walmart. I hated this particular Walmart.

Anyway, I picked out my groceries in record time. I found a checkout line and stuck to it. Yep, you guessed it. Slowest. Cashier. Ever!

When it was finally my turn, I had to stop myself from helping her. I’ve never seen someone take so long to open a plastic sack in my life. And, then, if I wasn’t already irritated enough, she says, “these d@mn kids are really driving me crazy today.” Really, lady? Really?! That’s very friendly of you to say. Maybe kids (and adults) wouldn’t be so cranky if you’d move a little faster (you know, do your job) and stop talking to every other Walmart employee around.

Finally, the groceries were paid for, all packed in my trunk and the race was on.

But, then, every stoplight I hit seemed to have one car in front of me not paying attention to the green light because they were updating their Facebook page on their dumb smart phone.

And, that four-way stop! Why, today, can’t the three other cars figure out whose turn it is to go! Don’t worry, I’ll just go, out of turn.

Today, I’m that cranky person racing through the grocery aisle and silently cursing the slow cashier behind the register. Tomorrow, I’ll be that relaxed, inattentive driver at the four-way stop, wondering if it’s my turn to go. Of course, while wondering why that other driver was in such a hurry.

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

So, after the kids went to bed, I drove to my parent’s house with a smile on my face. I love playing cards with my family. My mom, two sisters and I started the night with homemade pizza and a round of Pitch (it’s a card game, google it). Dad came upstairs a few times. Supervising, I’m sure. He loves his girls. (;

A short while later, another sister showed up, “I don’t really want to play cards, I just came for the pizza.” That’s what we figured, Kristy, that’s why we started without you.

Then, Kelly (another sister) sent a text, “I won’t be coming, my stomach hurts.” Bummer. I guess we’ll just play another round of Pitch, you can only play that with four people anyway.

The second game moved much slower as the conversation moved to kids. More talking, less playing. Whose turn is it anyway?

Then my mom said, “I wish I would have worried less, and let you girls play more when you were growing up.” I honestly don’t know how she did it. She had five girls, three-years-old and younger. Kristy turned 3-years-old, nine days after me and my two sisters (Karla and Kim) were born (Yes, I’m a triplet. Yes, I’m identical. Yes, we can read eachother’s minds.) And, Kelly was right there in the middle at 20 months old.

1 three-year-old. 1 twenty-month-old. AND 3 babies! All girls.

Holy hell, that’s stressing me out just typing it.

I remember my mom saying, “When we walked to the park I never let you three out of the stroller. I wasn’t sure how I would watch 5 kids!”

Then, my sister started talking about letting her little boy play outside by himself. Another sister said, “Yeah, I do that too.” Then, my mom said, “I let you girls play in the backyard without me, it was fenced.”

I looked up, shocked, and said, “WHAT? I’ve never done that!” Maya is the same age as their kids and my yard is fenced. They laughed at me.

I looked at Mom and said, “So, how do I do that? How do I worry less and let my kids play more?”

The building.

The owner. You know you were curious.

Part of the menu.

The sign on the door.

People are all mad about it and I just can’t decide what I am.

First, this restaurant is in Vegas. Don’t we expect over-the-top everything in Vegas? Second, most hamburger joints are unhealthy. Let’s get real here. Maybe they don’t all serve burgers bigger than my head (and I have a big head). But, again, it’s Vegas. Third, one hamburger isn’t going to give you a heart attack.

I’ll admit, I rolled my eyes when I saw the waitresses in nurse outfits, the owner in a doctor jacket and a wheel chair next to the wall displaying the menu of triple and quadruple bypass burgers. But, then I thought, it’s Vegas. Go big, or go home. Who wants to eat at a McDonalds in Vegas?

Good thing I’m getting my cholesterol checked tomorrow, I can feel my LDLs getting higher just thinking about The Heart Attack Grill.

Honestly, I’m not sure.

Maybe I could blame the lack of sleep, due to a sick baby and certain little four-year-old? But, I feel like I always play the sick kid card.

Maybe it was the new blog I decided to start in January? It’s gonna be awesome, by the way. I mean, when I actually work on it. But, how can I blame a blog I haven’t put much effort in to?

So, this time, I’m blaming myself.

It’s pure lack of motivation due to overwhelmization (I just made that up. It’s pretty awesome).

It’s hard to concentrate. I don’t know what to do first. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to not do anything at all. I ignore and hope it will go away. It never does.

As a matter of fact, things get worse.

The dishes are piled in the sink. Well, for a day. The couch has become the new underwear/sock drawer. Why put it away when it’ll just get dirty again tomorrow? I didn’t post on my blog for eight days straight. Who cares? No one reads my blog anyway.

It all piled up and I said, “Forget it! I’ll just get on Pinterest.” That’ll give me some motivation. Wrong. I just got more overwhelmed.

Thank goodness The Blog Squad intervened.

I’m back and more motivated than ever.

For Maya I knew I wanted her to be holding a sucker, because, well, she loves suckers! This was my inspiration valentine. And, really, from who better than Design Mom! I love her!

But, Maya also loves to twirl around, and she looked so cute in her dress and cowboy boots, I decided to give this a try. And, of course, I had to throw in a cheezy saying, “I’m a sucker for you!”

I’ll say it was a tad bit tricky getting the sucker to stay on the card. I ended up flipping it over and hot glueing the sucker stick onto the card, and also putting a dab of glue right under the end of stick.

Now, for Maddox’s valentine, I wanted his to be a little more boyish. He loves balls. What can I say, he’s a boy. (; I found my inspiration valentine from The Creative Mama. But, I knew wanted my cute little Mad man’s face on there and I changed up the wording a bit to say, “I have a ball with you!” So cute!

I love making corny valentine’s for my kids! I only have a few more years before they realize this isn’t cool, so I’m taking advantage of it.

PS, check out my all time favorite Valentine of Maya’s here. I’m not sure I’ll ever top it.

Anyway, I had big plans for these cupcakes… I wanted to do some sort of cream filling, a peanut butter cream filling. But, at 8:00 PM, when I started, I didn’t have any cream cheese. Or whipped cream. Or even any cream that I could whip into whipped cream. Marshmallow fluff? Nope.

But, I did have marshmallows. Lots of them.

So, here’s what you’ll need: 1 chocolate cake mix (follow box instructions, add eggs, oil and water), jumbo marshmallows and peanut butter.

To begin, place one small spoonful of cake batter in the bottom of each cupcake liner.

Next, cover one end of your jumbo marshmallow with peanut butter.

Place marshmallow, upside down in the cupcake liner, right in the center of the batter.

Spoon on more chocolate batter, filling each cupcake 2/3 of the way full.

Bake cupcakes in a preheated 350 degree oven for 15 minutes, or until toothpick comes out pretty clean. You’ll have to test the side of the cupcake, if you go right through the center, you’ll just get melty marshmallow.

While baking, the marshmallows will puff, then slowly dissolve. You’ll be left with a super moist chocolate cupcake with a nice peanut butter surprise. The center will most likely be hollowed out, but the top of the cupcake will have a nice hint of toasted marshmallow. Yum.

To finish, melt equal parts of  milk chocolate chips and peanut butter. With a pastry bag, drizzle melted peanut butter chocolate on each cupcake.

Enjoy your chocolate fluffernutter cupcake. I know I did.

By Wednesday his poor little tush was on fire. He would scream as soon as the diaper would come off. Kicking legs, flailing arms, crocodile tears, screams of pain. I felt awful.

My butt hurts real bad, Mom.

I did my best to change him as soon as a diaper was dirty, but sometimes that two minutes it takes to throw one diaper outside and wash your hands, another diaper was dirty and you were none the wiser. I mean after 47 diapers, poop doesn’t really stink anymore.

After the screams and tears (from me — it sucks seeing your kids in pain), I went to some fellow mommies for advice. “What do you ladies use for bad diaper rashes?”

Three of the five things pictured below I’d never heard of. I had to verify, as well as ask where they could be found in the grocery store.

1. Liquid antacid (I was told Maalox, but the store was all out of the name brand liquid Maalox, and I was sure the tablets wouldn’t work, so I went generic. Apparently the liquid antacid helps to cut the acid in the poop, if you happen to not get it all wiped away from the baby’s bare bottom.)

2. Coconut oil (Wanna know where to find it? The organic food section. Cool, huh?)

3. Desitin (An oldie, but a goodie. The baby aisle, of course)

4. Triple Paste (The baby aisle, too. Who knew?)

5. Antifungal Cream (Yep, the stuff you use on athlete’s foot, Clotrimazole is the active ingredient. It’s in the medicine aisle)

Numbers 3 and 5, have been my go-to-diaper-rash-from-hell remedy. At least they always worked for clearing up those stubborn diaper rashes on Maya. The antifungal cream was a suggestion from a teacher at Maya’s daycare, shortly after she turned one.

However, with Maddox it didn’t quite seem to cutting it. So, tonight I tried the closest thing to normal for putting on my baby’s behind, the Triple Paste. If it’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll be trying a coconut oil + liquid antacid concoction. Maybe I’ll mix a little rum in and have a drink ready for me.

And, while I was googling how to spell Clotrimazole, I found a handy article from Dr. Sears on Diaper Rashes. You can bet your bottom (come on, you laughed), I’ll be bookmarking that article.

And, I usually get suckered into sending the email. You know, the one asking people to bring food. I kinda hate doing that. So, I thought, surely (that’s for you Chris), this email (see below) would get me out of sending food-related emails to the department…

Peeps,
Tomorrow is Brian’s first day as an official employee. Please bring food. 

PS, the food you bring will be a true reflection of you. It also shows you like Brian. If you like Brian, bring food. If you don’t want us to talk badly about you not bringing food, bring food. If you don’t want me to send you these annoying emails any more because they make you feel bad about yourself, bring food.

Example: I’m bringing ham, pickle and cream cheese rollups; therefore, I’m a salt-lovin’ gal. And, I like Brian. And, I don’t want you to talk badly about me. And, I hate sending these emails.

Out,
Blendra

I was wrong. Apparently, it was “the best food email ever” and “so good I was still thinking about it when I went home.” Damn.

However, it may have been the best food day ever. I think everyone brought food. Even me.

My Bzz kit came with 2 sippy cups, a package of wipes (and a wipe container), and a coupon for free diapers/pull-ups. Since, we’re not close to potty training (Maddox is only 12 months old) I chose the diapers. He is a chunk, so I had to get the size 5s.

I’ve never tried Kroger’s brand of sippy cups or wipes, but I had tried the diapers when Maddox was just a newborn. I hated, alright, hate is a strong word, I disliked them. They didn’t seem to have any stretch in the belly band, and overall, they seemed cheap. BUT, Maddox is one now and I thought, maybe I was just being picky back then, so I knew I would give them a try. And, they were free diapers. Can’t pass that up!

I tried the sippy cups right away. I wasn’t impressed. The spout seemed to be too short for Maddox to really get any good grip on it. And, the plastic was too slippery. He seemed to get frustrated most of the time, this kid likes his milk! I will give them another try, but as for now, I give the sippy cups two thumbs down.

Next, it was on to the wipes. At first I thought I would like them, they seemed pretty sturdy, not easily ripped. That should be good, right? Well, not so great when you have a baby with a sore bottom to begin with. And, then I found myself getting frustrated when the wipes ran out and I went to refill the container. The plastic lid was really stuck on there, I thought I would like that about it, it wasn’t easy for Maddox to open and spill the entire things of wipes on the floor. However, it’s not so great when you have a wiggly toddler and you’re still trying to get him all cleaned up and the wipes refilled at the same time. So, for the wipes, I give them one thumb up and one thumb down. I didn’t downright hate them, they got the job done, they weren’t like sandpaper, but they definitely weren’t soft. I know I wouldn’t wipe with them. (;

Lastly, I tried the diapers. Success. I loved these. They’ve changed their look and feel since Maddox was a newborn. Great choice Kroger, those other diapers were crap. These had a nice stretch to the belly, and honestly, I think I could have gotten a size down for what was recommended (he’s right above the weight recommendation of the 4s). But, from what I remembered, the others seemed to run small. These are very giving. I loved them. They were soft, they had stretch, they were white with a cute little design strip around the front.

These diapers were perfect for my little man to get around in. Standing, sitting, playing crawling. So, I give the diapers two awesome thumbs up! I would buy these again and again, they reminded me of Target brand diapers, and those are my favorites.

So, Kroger, here’s my feedback on your Comforts for Baby:

Sippy cups: Need to go back for a spout redesign
Wipes: Need to go back for a softer wipe/new container design
Diapers: Awesome the way they are

Here’s a litte back history about me: I’m from a small town and growing up I never really went past the west side of the bigger city just outside of town. If I had to drive to the east side, I always expected to get lost. And, normally, did. And, driving downtown, forget it. First time I went downtown, I drove the wrong way on a one-way street.

So, back to getting lost yesterday… I was scheduled to attend a class for work: Why Women go to bathroom in groups, and what they talk about while they’re in there. This class was located on the campus I graduated from. I took classes there for 3 years. I had this. No way would I get lost… right?

It had been almost 10 years since I graduated college, but I could find one simple building. They provided a map with the paperwork. Check-in was at 8:00 AM, class start time was 8:30 AM.

Let’s just re-live this, shall we?

I pull into the campus at 7:50 AM, park in the lot by the baseball field, right where I think I should be, wait a couple minutes, then get out. Hmm, now I’m confused, which direction is the building? Maybe if I just keep walking I’ll see a building I remember.

Nope, shoot, nothing really seems familiar. Funny how you forget things when it’s been 10 years.

I check out the name of the first building I see, then I check out the map. Hmmm,  it’s not really close by the building where it shows the class is. Maybe if I keep walking. Or, maybe if I call Danielle, it’s getting closer to check-in, like two minutes till. I hate being late.

“Yeah, I think you’re in the wrong place.”

“I’ll call you back, I’ll just ask someone where I am.”

The first three people I stop tell me they have no idea where the building is I’m looking for. Finally, one guy knows, and I am, indeed, in the wrong place. At this point, I am five minutes from my car, and that’s at walking pace, so I start jogging. Ugh.

I got this. I think I know where to go, I mean a guy just told me exactly what to do. I slide into my car and take off. I’m stressed, I look at my clock, it’s after 8 AM. I’m late.

I pull into another lot and park. I immediately see a lady, she, of course, has no idea where the building is either. Geez, people! Don’t you go to school here?!

But, wait, there’s another girl, she smiles and loudly says, “I’m awesome at reading this map! But, I don’t really know where that building is. Um, shoot.” Okay, uh, thanks, I’ll just ask this guy here…

He smiles and says, “Do you know where the baseball field is?” Um… “The golf course?” Um… “The place you need to go is right between those two.”

What!? I didn’t do sports, nor watch them.

He instructs me to follow this road, yes, this one right here, stay on it, all the way around, then turn right.

Alright, I can do that.

I’m sure he sensing my tension. I thank him and run, yes, run, to my car. My jeans are falling down and my shoes are clearly not meant for running. But, I do it anyway. I look like an idiot, but I don’t care, I have to find this classroom before 8:30!

I almost start crying, jump in my car and start driving to my THIRD parking lot.

Finally, I see a familiar car, I think. I throw the car in park, barrel out and step into some awesome zero-degree inter-femoral spread speed walking (presentation of the pits, was at a minimum), right toward the first building I see. There it is, it’s the name of the building, just like the map showed. Oh, and there’s a sign! It’s pointing me in the direction of the class. I almost start crying again, this time out of relief. Surely I can’t get lost anymore.

Hm, this door is weird, I’ll just try it. I end up in the classroom and see four of my coworkers. My face is flushed from embarrassment, stress and, of course, the running. It’s 8:15 AM and I check-in, only to realize I entered the building the back way. Sheesh!

I hate getting lost. But, it’s a good thing I’m a woman and I’m not afraid to ask someone for directions.