The list I never want to talk about
Alright, so everyone has a list. You know, that list of things you’re very, very sensitive about. That list of things you never want anyone to mention. Ever. And, sharing that list with people is almost worse than having the list to begin with. Wanna hear mine?
1. My clothes.
Don’t ever talk about my clothes, unless you’re gonna tell me how cute they are. Seriously. Don’t be all, “nice pants” and then walk off. No, no, no. It better be, “I love those pants!” or “Niiiice pants, you look so cute.” Otherwise, I’m all, “Great, now I can’t ever wear these pants again.”
2. My work schedule.
I may not work exactly 40 hours, but I work plenty. I’m sure those over-achiever 60-plus-hour workers, don’t want you talking about how MUCH they work just as much as I don’t want you talking about how little I work. Kapesh? (Full House – Jesse)
3. My ability to be a good mom because I work.
I work, dammit, and I’m okay with that. I love my work. I love the people I work with. And, I also LOVE my kids. It took me six years to say that out loud. Not the loving my kids part. The part about loving my job while also having kids. (:
4. My voice.
I talk loud, I know it. Well, honestly, I don’t know it. When I try to talk quiet, or quieter, it still feels like I’m talking the same as when I’m talking normal. Except, it’s more awkward. I’ve decided that maybe I have some sort of inner ear problem. Like a disease. Inner Ear Disease. That’s probably it. Don’t you feel bad now? I have inner ear disease and you’re making fun of me for talking loud. Sheesh.
I realize unless everyone writes their list out and wears it around their necks, no one will ever know the things you’re insecure about. Giving people free will to say whatever they want about you. Grow up, you say? I say, write that list down. Wear it around your neck (figuratively, not literally). Or, hell, do it literally. Then take that list and throw it in the trash. Wanna know why? Telling someone what you’re insecure about isn’t going to stop you from being insecure about it. I promise.
PS, I kinda didn’t want to publish this post because of number 5 on my list. Wait, there was no number 5? Ugh, yes there was…
5. My ability to not sound stupid.
Usually when I want to write a blog post, I just write it and hit publish. Like this blog post, totally easy to write, but when it was time to hit publish, I didn’t. Why? Because I was afraid someone would read it and say, “that was the dumbest blog post I’ve ever read. It doesn’t even make sense.” And, usually, blogging is easy for me because I won’t actually see the people at the same time they’re reading my posts. But, public speaking. Totally gonna see those people. That is my number one reason I’m terrible at public speaking. Fear of sounding stupid.
I’ve never actually had anyone tell me I’m stupid. I’m 32. Someone should have told me by now. (; It’s finally making sense why they say insecurities are a waste of time. They’re most likely not even true.
Now I’m gonna go print this list off, wad it up in a ball and eat it.